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Writer's picturePearlitas of Wisdom
Jul 74 min read

The Strength Within Forgiveness

by Yajna Jaglal


Many people have experienced betrayal, offence, or injustice in their lives, and sometimes we are the ones who have caused these feelings in others. Victims of betrayal often harbour anger, bitterness, rage, and resentment. When these emotions persist, they can disrupt daily interactions with colleagues, friends, family, and even strangers. Lingering anger and rage lead to deep-seated unhappiness and a lack of peace, fostering a sense of insecurity and making it difficult for individuals to feel safe or trust those around them.


Furthermore, when victims of offence harbour anger and resentment for a long time, they are likely to develop bitter envy. This destructive emotion arises when they compare themselves or their lives with their offenders’ and with the successes of those around them. Both bitter envy and rage can deceptively be used to protect one’s self-esteem. These emotions can cloud a person's judgement, preventing them from realising that they, too, need grace and freedom from the fear of being harmed again.


On the other hand, those who have betrayed or offended others may sometimes choose not to feel regret or remorse. According to Driedger (2021, p. 03), “remorse is the feeling that one has done something wrong, is responsible for this action, and is changed in a significant way as a result. It may be accompanied by internal turmoil and a desire to atone, make reparation, and behave differently in the future.” Remorse and regret are positive heart attitudes that, when seen and received by the victim, can drive away feelings of fear and anger and bring great comfort to the victim's soul (Henson, 2018). However, when the opposite occurs—when the victim sees that the offender is neither remorseful nor regretful—a raging desire to retaliate and defend oneself may arise in the victim. This can impede the victim's personal growth (Henson, 2018).


What is forgiveness?

  • Forgiveness is defined as a freely made choice to release or let go of feelings of anger, revenge, and resentment toward the offender (Therapist Aid, 2021).


  • It involves recognising another person's imperfections and choosing to extend grace to them.

  • Forgiveness allows for the possibility of amending the relationship and reconciling if the victim chooses to, though it does not always imply reconciliation.

  • It involves a change of heart, perspective, and mindset regarding the circumstances.

  • Forgiveness can also mean forgiving someone who is no longer alive or who has not expressed remorse.


  • It is a willful decision to desire good for the offender (Therapist Aid, 2021).


a lady breaking free from a chain that kept her captive

What does forgiveness do to you?

  • Forgiveness primarily benefits you.


  • Forgiveness is not a weakness. When you forgive, you release the painful situation and the offender from having power or control over your emotional and psychological state and your present life. Instead of being controlled by anger and resentment, you gain freedom from them (Mayo Clinic, 2022).


  • Forgiveness releases the past to heal your present.


  • It enlightens your perspective and makes you realize that the painful situation from the past is not happening now.


  • Forgiveness frees you from feelings of fear, paranoia, or suspicion. This means you won't view everyone through the lens of your experience with the offender. In other words, not everyone is against you or seeks to harm you (Therapist Aid, 2021).


  • Forgiveness allows you to see your own imperfections. Just as much as we need to forgive, we also need to be forgiven by those we have offended or betrayed at some point in our lives.


  • Forgiveness enables you to move forward with life, while unforgiveness causes you to revisit the situation and constantly replay it in your mind. Unforgiveness hinders personal growth and increases the risk of depression, while forgiveness instils hope and positive anticipation for the future.


  • Forgiveness produces peace and joy in one’s life. 



Forgiveness is of paramount importance for one’s well-being, personal growth, and maintaining positive relationships. It brings restoration and healing to the heart and mind. Although reconciliation is not always possible, forgiveness can provide the opportunity for it. In a hurting community, forgiveness can restore peace and joy and sustain future generations. Moreover, forgiveness can transform the victim’s perspective, helping them realise they are not merely "an object of unjust cause" but a human being entitled to peace and joy in their daily lives.


On the day of forgiveness, we hope that you also show yourself grace, forgive yourself for things that were out of your control, and acknowledge that you have done your best. May you not dwell on things that can’t be changed but make amends or turn over a new leaf- one which better serves you and the life you imagine for yourself.



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