In life, we are often subjected to extreme scrutiny from our elders, our peers, society and even ourselves. We often reflect on these judgements and feel as if we are less than, unfit, or undeserving of the many perks of life. We wallow away in self-pity and construct these judgements as a constitution for how we should be leading our lives and allow these remarks to lambast our self-esteem and turn it into a punching bag. We condone people’s egos but perform waste management on our own self-worth.
Valuing ourselves and knowing our worth sounds like an overused phrase; however, it holds immense truth. The most confusing phase in life isn’t pre-formatted or predetermined for anyone. We all experience this at different points in our lives: during our teenage years, during adolescence, during our adult prime; heck, some may even feel as though they have been experiencing it their entire lives. However, the most important thing to note is that these phases offer the most intrapersonal growth. We tend to make ‘dumb mistakes’ along the way but that is just a matter of perspective. As Lisa Lieberman-Wang had said: “You are not your mistakes; they are what you did, not who you are”. Each ‘mistake’ serves as an opportunity to purchase the most valuable travel ticket that exists: a ticket towards the journey of self-discovery.
By self-discovering our values, strengths, weaknesses and even our pet peeves, we allow ourselves to find what truly aligns with us and what doesn’t. Thus, creating a space of comfort and ease within ourselves. When we truly know what floats our boat, ticks us off, or doesn’t sit well with us, we can truly and unapologetically be ourselves. In doing so, we prevent other people’s words and mannerisms from shattering our core. We deflect being belittled, protect our integrity and fortify our value; thus, embracing ourselves for who we are: traits, flaws, scars, circumstances, gender preferences, religious views - all inclusive.
Yes, reflecting and dissecting down on feedback is very beneficial and constructive criticism offers us better perspective; however, it is essential to decipher when someone offers constructive criticism as opposed to taunts. Absorbing all the mockery, disrespect and subordination is toxic to your self-esteem and nibbles away at your self-worth. We were not created as disposable sponges to absorb the world’s shallow egos, warped mentalities and fickle outlook; we were created with purpose, with intention and with value. We can’t permanently dwell in self-denial and believe that the way someone treats us is ‘okay’, that ‘this is life’ and ‘it’s to late to take a stand’.
Whatever the situation is, remember that: “the more chances you give to someone, the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they know that another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what, you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.” (unknown).
“Know your worth, then add tax” - and let’s go with the Swedish tax rates here - because we often fall victim to undervaluing ourselves. A great way to negate this is by following Jameela Jamil’s I weigh trend: Know what you weigh – not in kilograms or pounds- but rather what adds value to you as a person? It can be your education, personality traits, integrity, skills, beliefs, social interactions and so forth. By what scale do you weigh and value yourself?
Let us know what you weigh in the comments section below. It may be the gateway of discovering and genuinely knowing your worth and a step towards embellishing an impervious self-esteem.
Glossary:
1. Impervious: unable to be affected by.
2. Scrutiny: critical observation or examination.
3. Perks: benefits
4. Lambast: criticise harshly.
5. Condone: accept (behaviour that is morally wrong or offensive).
6. Belittle: dismiss/mock (someone or something) as unimportant.
7. Taunts: provocations, jeer
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